Attack of the little people
by silvablaze
Summary: CRACKFIC: Konoha men are attacked by little people which you probably figured out from the title ...but there's more...dum dum duuummm...


**Attack of the little people**

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**Silva here, at your service (no, not **_**that**_** service…wait, I didn't mean that…or **_**that**_**…I meant that **_**other**_** thing…not the one you're thinking you perv, the **_**other**_** other thing…exactly)**

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Summary: refer to title, I'm too tired.

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**Disclaimer: Cheese is a very important food group…what does that have to do with me owning Naruto...? Exactly.**

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The ground was shaking.

With almost pointless caution, the Hokage had ordered all the women, children and male civilians to go to the safety chambers.

The rest, being male shinobi, were to face the threat that had been reported to have recently defeated the hidden village of the mist.

Sasuke snorted. Why did they bother calling them hidden villages when

They were on the world map?

Everyone and their grandma happened to know where they were, which clans were there, what the leader was called…?

No attempts were made to actually _hide_ them…?

Sasuke looking at the charging mass. They seemed like a large number of Narutos, but shorter.

He turned away, uninterested and wondered when his team would get back.

The elf-looking little people rushed forward. The shinobi saw sparkles of many colours and were suddenly blinded and then…

A pain greater than any man could ever feel in his whole life…and yet a pain not unknown to many of them…

No one attacked Sasuke. When a guy looks that serious and is handling lightning like a pet just _waiting_ for some idiot to attack him, it's best to run toward him at full speed and… hit the guy _**behind**_ him.

Sasuke looked at the front entrance to the city.

"What the hell happened here?" Kakashi asked, staring at the all the male shinobi on the ground that were groaning, hands to their crotches.

"We were attacked by elves," Kiba answered, his voice super high.

"Seriously?"

"No, they were more like _hobbits_ than anything else…" Shino said, his usually deep voice sounding like the lead soprano of the village choir.

"For the millionth time, they were elves who just happened to have hairy feet!" a little girl screamed.

Looking behind him, Kakashi searched for the little girl but only saw Shikamaru lying there.

He frowned under his mask. Duh.

This was going nowhere.

"Is this true Sasuke?"

Sasuke sighed, obviously irritated. "No, they were just a bunch of short, hairy dudes throwing glitter everywhere, then poking people in the eye and punching them in the groin."

"You mean that _wasn't_ a magic power…?" Kiba asked.

Naruto snorted at the other guy's stupidity and walked away with Sasuke, Sakura and Kakashi.

"Orochimaru must be getting serious. This has been the greatest number of casualties yet," Kakashi stated.

Sakura frowned, "But no one died. That-"

The guys turned to stare at her.

"No one _died_?" Naruto asked, offended. "How could you be so insensitive?"

Sasuke shook his head at her, "There have been many deaths today."

Kakashi nodded, "In the future," he looked around dramatically at the village. "There may be no children running through our streets."

He sniffed.

Sakura nodded sadly, understanding his sorrow.

Naruto and Sasuke put their arms on their sensei's shoulders reassuringly.

"Don't worry, I won't let that happen," Sasuke promised.

Naruto nodded, "I'll help. No matter how many women I have to sleep with to populate the whole of Konoha, I'll do it for you sensei."

"Yeah, they're both good-looking." Sakura agreed. "I'll take their duty seriously and help in every way that I can."

Kakashi sniffed, touched beyond words.

"You three would do that?"

They nodded.

"You guys are the best!"

Group hug.

"Hey, um… why didn't the little people just take over the village?"

"Oh," Sasuke shrugged. "They all got killed."

"By who?"

"The female shinobi. They seemed really pissed at their men being hurt so badly. They all kinda just… snapped and charged at the little dudes…"

"And?" Naruto asked.

"Well, let's just say that their last of their kind."

"They castrated them didn't they?" Sakura asked dryly.

"" No, they beat them, set them on fire, used them as posts for the academy's kunai throwing practice and _then_ they castrated them."

"Oh," Sakura smiled. "Well, that's better then. Castrating them out of the blue would have been mean…"

They all nodded.

That was so true.

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**A/N: this made sense to me at the time…really, it did. **

**It's short; yeah…I'll just have to see what I can do about that later…**

**Yeah right.**

**(Stroking my pet platypus, Mr. Fluffylapolis, with evil glint in eye) read and review, understand?**

**Ja ne,**

**Silva**


End file.
